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Parental Alienation


Parental alienation is the process, and the result, of the psychological manipulation of a child into showing unwarranted fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent or extended family members.

The construct of “parental alienation” represents the child’s triangulation into the spousal conflict through the formation of a cross-generational coalition with a narcissistic/(borderline) parent. This cross-generational coalition of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent with the child is directed against the other parent, causing a breach in the child’s relationship with the targeted parent. In this cross-generational coalition, the child is being used by the narcissistic/(borderline) parent in a role reversal relationship as a “regulatory object” for the regulation of excessive parental anxiety triggered by the divorce.  - Dr Craig Childress

Divorce is never easy, especially if there are children involved. Occasionally there will be a tale of divorced couples where one parent alienates a child from the other.

Examples of parental alienation are:
  • to carry out campaigns for disqualifying a parent’s behaviour upon exercising his/her parenthood;
  • to obstruct the exercise of parental authority;
  • to obstruct the contact between a child or adolescent with one of their parents;
  • to obstruct the legal right to exercise family life;
  • to deliberately withhold from a parent relevant personal information on the child or adolescent, including school-related, medical, and address changes;
  • to file false charges against a parent, their family members, or against grandparents;
  • to obstruct or prevent their presence in the child or adolescent’s life;
  • to change residence to a distant place, without justification, in order to make it difficult for the child or adolescent to live with the other parent, their family member, or grandparents.

​Dr Craig Childress, a US psychologist and expert in the field of parental alienation explains parental alienation as a situation in which one parent consciously or subconsciously turns their shared children against the other parent, through various means of manipulation. It often involves the premise that one parent falsely accuses the other of abuse and indoctrinates the child into believing that abuse took place, whether it be mental, physical, sexual, or a combination.
​
While there are many true cases of abuse, what is key according to Dr Childress is to look at the child’s behaviour. “It’s the child’s behaviour that need to be observed. Unnecessary levels of anxiety or fear of the alienated parent can be a sign.” Eventually, children can become so indoctrinated and eager to please who they view as the “powerful parent,” they may start hating or abusing the targeted parent themselves. According to Dr Childress, parents who indoctrinate children into alienating the other parent are linked to narcissist borderline pathogenic parenting. The symptoms of narcissism include: grandiosity, entitlement, absence of empathy, haughty, arrogant behaviour and delusional belief systems.

Dynamic

Symptoms emerge from the family’s inability to successfully navigate the transition from an intact family structure that is united by the marriage to a separated family structure united by the children and by the continuing parental roles with the children. Due to one parent’s inability to adjust to a separated family structure, the termination of the marital bond also terminates a parent-child bond as a result of distorted parenting practices by the parent who is unable to process the sadness and grief of divorce.

Personality Level

The narcissistic-borderline parent defends against the self-experience of fundamental inadequacy and a fear of abandonment by projectively displacing these fears onto the other parent by means of the child’s induced/elicited symptomatic rejection of the other parent. “You’re the inadequate parent (person); not me. You’re the abandoned parent (person); not me. “I’m the ideal, never-to-be abandoned parent”.

Origin

A narcissistic-borderline parent is characteristically unable to experience and metabolize sadness and grief, and instead interprets sadness as “anger and resentment, loaded with revengeful wishes” (Kernberg, 1975, p. 229). The narcissistic-borderline parent then influences the child into interpreting the child’s own sadness and grief regarding the divorce in a similar way, as “anger and resentment, loaded with revengeful wishes” directed toward the other parent

Origin

The inherent interpersonal rejection associated with divorce threatens to collapse the pathological parent’s narcissistic defenses against self-inadequacy and triggers an intense fear of abandonment. These fears represent the internal working models of the pathological parent’s attachment system, which is activated to mediate the interpersonal loss associated with the divorce.

Read More on Parental Alienation

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  • Home
  • Divorce
    • The Divorce Process in South Africa
    • Rule 41A Mediation
    • The Marital Property Regimes >
      • Marriage out of Community of Property, new case
      • Marriage in Community of Property
      • Marriage out of community without accrual
      • Marriage out of community with the inclusion of the accrual
      • Universal Partnerships
      • Register Antenuptial Contract Online
      • Changing your matrimonial regime.
    • Division of Assets at Divorce >
      • Forfeiture of Assets in a Divorce
    • Evicting your spouse divorce
    • Retirement Funds and Divorce
    • Living Annuities
    • Hiding Assets in a Divorce
    • Trusts and Divorce >
      • Can I hide assets in Trust?
    • Divorce a Missing Spouse
    • Adultery and Suing a Third Party
    • Domicile in Divorce Cases
    • International Divorces in South Africa
    • Expat South African Divorce
    • International Jurisdiction
    • Spousal Visas
    • International Divorce Law >
      • UK Divorce Laws
    • Choosing a Divorce Attorney
    • On-line Divorce
    • Lawyer Fees and Costs
    • Important Aspects of a Divorce
    • Dealing with Emotions During Divorce and Separation
    • Divorce Statistics
    • Divorce Therapy and Counselling >
      • Marriage and Relationship Therapists
    • Rebuilding Your Financial Life
    • Divorce Attorney Cape Town
    • Divorce Polls
    • Ingredients of a successful relationship
    • Uncontested Divorce
    • Uncontested Divorce - What Happens on the Court Day?
  • Maintenance
    • Maintenance Child COVID19
    • Spousal maintenance
    • How to calculate Child Maintenance?
    • Maintenance Defaulters
    • What Happens if you don't pay child maintenance
    • Child Maintenance Frequently Asked Questions
    • Rule 43 Interim Maintenance Pending Divorce >
      • Can I appeal a Rule 43 Order
      • Apply for Costs in Rule 43
      • Financial Disclosure Rule 43
      • Rule 43 Maintenance
    • The Maintenance Manual
    • Grand Parents and Maintenance
  • Children
    • Relocation and Child Abduction >
      • Frequently Asked Questions about Child Relocation
      • Child Relocation to New Zealand
      • International Child Custody Law South Africa
      • Tips on international child custody
    • Unmarried Parents and the Law
    • Parenting Plans >
      • Conflict and dispute-resolution mechanisms
    • The non-custodian parent and contact
    • Appointing a Guardian in a Will
    • Introducing a new partner to your child
    • Refusal of Contact
    • Vaccinating Children Covid-19
    • Suspending Parental Rights
    • Parental Alienation >
      • Alienating Children
      • Parental Alienation Imprisonment
    • Facilitation
    • Living Arrangements
    • Joint decisions about your child
    • Paternity Disputes
    • The Family Advocate
    • Parenting during separartion
    • Children's Act 38 of 2005
  • Abuse
    • Domestic Violence Amended Bill
    • Gender Based Violence in South Africa
    • Domestic Abuse Forms
    • Evicting a Spouse
    • Domestic Violence Corona Virus
    • Divorcing an Abusive Spouse
    • What is Coercive Control?
    • What is Emotional Abuse
    • What is Sexual Abuse
    • What is Financial Abuse >
      • Economic Abuse
    • What is Stalking
    • What is Verbal Abuse
    • What is Spiritual Abuse
    • What is Social Abuse
    • Revenge Porn
    • Interdict Intimate photos
    • Steps to obtain a Protection Order
    • Domestic Violence eBook
    • The Protection Order
    • Who Qualifies for a Protection Order
    • Breaching a Protection Order
    • Questions on Domestic Abuse
    • Signs of an Abusive Relationship
    • Domestic Violence Information
    • Harassment
  • Cohabitation
    • Maintenance and Cohabitation
    • Sample Cohabitation Agreement
    • Engagement and the law
    • Formalities for marriage in south africa
  • Same Sex
  • Family Law eBooks
  • Family Law Links
    • The South African Court System
    • Court Rolls
    • Family Law Legislation
    • Family Law Blog
    • New Family Law Cases
    • Family Law Matters
    • Register for the Online Family Law Course
    • Online Family Law Education
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Charities