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Family and Divorce law in South Africa - A Comprehensive Guide
  • Home
  • Divorce
    • The Reasons for Divorce
    • The Divorce Process in South Africa
    • Rule 41A Mediation
    • The Marital Property Regimes >
      • Marriage out of Community of Property, new case
      • Marriage in Community of Property
      • Marriage out of community without accrual >
        • Understanding Post-1984 Marriages
      • Marriage out of community with the inclusion of the accrual
      • Anti-Dissipation Interdicts Divorce
      • Universal Partnerships
      • Antenuptial Contracts
      • Register Antenuptial Contract Online
      • Changing your matrimonial regime.
      • Postnuptial Contracts
    • Division of Assets at Divorce >
      • Forfeiture of Assets in a Divorce
    • Evicting your spouse divorce
    • Retirement Funds and Divorce
    • Living Annuities
    • Hiding Assets in a Divorce
    • Trusts and Divorce >
      • Can I hide assets in Trust?
    • Divorce a Missing Spouse
    • Adultery and Suing a Third Party
    • Domicile in Divorce Cases
    • International Divorces in South Africa
    • Expat South African Divorce
    • International Jurisdiction
    • Spousal Visas
    • International Divorce Law >
      • UK Divorce Laws
    • Choosing a Divorce Attorney
    • On-line Divorce
    • Lawyer Fees and Costs
    • Important Aspects of a Divorce
    • Divorcing a Narcistic Spouse
    • Dealing with Emotions During Divorce and Separation
    • Divorce Statistics
    • Divorce Therapy and Counselling >
      • Marriage and Relationship Therapists
    • Rebuilding Your Financial Life
    • Divorce Attorney Cape Town
    • Ingredients of a successful relationship
    • What are the elements of a successful marriage?
    • Uncontested Divorce
    • Uncontested Divorce - What Happens on the Court Day?
  • Maintenance
    • Spousal maintenance
    • How to calculate Child Maintenance?
    • Maintenance Defaulters
    • What Happens if you don't pay child maintenance
    • Child Maintenance Frequently Asked Questions
    • Rule 43 Interim Maintenance Pending Divorce >
      • Can I appeal a Rule 43 Order
      • Apply for Costs in Rule 43
      • Financial Disclosure Rule 43
      • Rule 43 Maintenance
    • The Maintenance Manual
    • Grand Parents and Maintenance
    • Variation of Maintenance due to loss of employment
    • Contempt of Court Maintenance
  • Children
    • Section 28 of the Children's Act
    • Relocation and Child Abduction >
      • Frequently Asked Questions about Child Relocation
      • Child Relocation to New Zealand
    • The Hague Convention >
      • Child Participation in South African Family Law and the Hague Convention
      • International Child Custody Law South Africa
      • Hague Applications and Domestic Violence
      • Mirror Orders and the Hague Convention
      • Tips on international child custody
    • Unmarried Parents and the Law
    • Unmarried Fathers Rights
    • Parenting Plans >
      • Parenting Plan
      • Conflict and dispute-resolution mechanisms
    • The non-custodian parent and contact
    • Appointing a Guardian in a Will
    • Introducing a new partner to your child
    • Refusal of Contact
    • Suspending Parental Rights
    • The Law on Grandparents Rights over Children
    • Parental Alienation >
      • Alienating Children
      • Parental Alienation Imprisonment
      • What is the effect of Parental Alienation on children?
    • Living Arrangements
    • What effect does divorce have on children?
    • The Voice of the Child in Divorce
    • Facilitation
    • Joint decisions about your child
    • Paternity Disputes
    • The Family Advocate
    • Parenting during separartion
    • Children's Act 38 of 2005
  • Abuse
    • Domestic Violence Legislation and Case Law
    • The New Domestic Violence Act 14 of 2021
    • Gender Based Violence in South Africa
    • Domestic Abuse Forms
    • Evicting a Spouse
    • Being married to a Narcissist.
    • Divorcing an Abusive Spouse
    • What is Coercive Control?
    • What is Emotional Abuse
    • What is Sexual Abuse
    • What is Financial Abuse >
      • Economic Abuse
    • What is Stalking
    • What is Verbal Abuse
    • What is Spiritual Abuse
    • What is Social Abuse
    • Revenge Porn
    • Interdict Intimate photos
    • Steps to obtain a Protection Order
    • Domestic Violence eBook
    • The Protection Order
    • Who Qualifies for a Protection Order
    • Breaching a Protection Order
    • Questions on Domestic Abuse
    • Signs of an Abusive Relationship
    • Domestic Violence Information
    • Harassment >
      • Harassment Forms
  • Cohabitation
    • Universal Partnerships in South African Cohabitation
    • Maintenance and Cohabitation
    • Interim Maintenance and Cohabitation
    • Sample Cohabitation Agreement
    • Engagement and the law
  • Formalities for marriage in south africa
    • South Africa's New Marriage Bill: A Step Towards Equality and Inclusion
    • Same Sex
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HOW TO DIVORCE A NARCICST SPOUSE

How to Divorce a Narcistic Husband or Wife

​A narcissist spouse can exhibit various traits and behaviors that can make a relationship challenging and, in some cases, toxic. Some common traits of a narcissistic spouse include:
​
  1. Excessive self-importance: A narcissist spouse tends to have an inflated sense of their own importance and believes they are superior to others. They often crave admiration and validation from others.
  2. Lack of empathy: Narcissists have difficulty understanding or relating to the feelings and needs of others. They may be dismissive or insensitive to their partner's emotions and struggles.
  3. Manipulation and control: Narcissistic spouses often use manipulation tactics, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or playing the victim, to control their partners and maintain power in the relationship.
  4. Need for constant admiration: A narcissist spouse requires constant praise and validation to maintain their sense of self-worth. They may become upset or resentful if they feel they are not receiving the admiration they believe they deserve.
  5. Entitlement: Narcissistic spouses often believe they are entitled to special treatment and may expect their partner to cater to their needs, often at the expense of their partner's well-being.
  6. Arrogance and superiority: Narcissists tend to have an exaggerated sense of their own abilities and accomplishments. They often display a condescending or patronizing attitude towards others.
  7. Jealousy and envy: A narcissistic spouse may become jealous or envious of their partner's accomplishments, relationships, or possessions. They may try to undermine their partner's success or attempt to take credit for it.
  8. Exploitative behaviour: Narcissists may use their partner to further their own goals, often without regard for their partner's feelings or needs. They may take advantage of their partner's kindness or generosity.
  9. Difficulty accepting responsibility: Narcissistic spouses often struggle to take responsibility for their actions and may blame others, including their partner, for any problems or issues they encounter.
  10. Unpredictable mood swings: A narcissistic spouse may have unpredictable mood swings, often shifting between adoration and contempt for their partner. This can create an unstable and confusing relationship dynamic.

In conclusion, being in a relationship with a narcissistic spouse presents a myriad of challenges that can range from emotional manipulation to a complete lack of empathy. The traits exhibited by such individuals—such as excessive self-importance, entitlement, and a constant need for admiration—can create a toxic environment that is detrimental to their partner's emotional well-being. The unpredictability of their mood swings further complicates the relationship dynamic, making it difficult for their partner to find stable ground. It's crucial to recognize these traits and behaviors for what they are: mechanisms of control and self-validation at the expense of another's well-being. If you find yourself in such a relationship, consider seeking professional help to navigate the complexities and potential harm that may arise. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and emotional support—qualities that a narcissistic spouse is often unable to provide.

Meet Our Team of Lawyers Specialising in Narcissism Divorces

BERTUS PRELLER

Bertus Preller
CONTACT

NICOLE MARTIN

Nicole Martin
contact

KAYLA SPINNOY

Tayla De Leeuw
contact
Divorcing a narcissist spouse can be challenging due to their manipulative behavior, lack of empathy, and constant need for control. Here are some steps to help you navigate the process of divorcing a narcissistic spouse:
​
  1. Seek professional help: Consult with a mental health professional to help you understand and deal with the emotional impact of living with and separating from a narcissist.
  2. Hire an experienced attorney: Find an attorney who has experience dealing with high-conflict divorces and is familiar with the behavior patterns of narcissists. An experienced attorney can guide you through the legal process and help protect your interests.
  3. Set boundaries: Narcissists often try to maintain control through manipulation and emotional abuse. Establish firm boundaries and limit communication to essential matters related to the divorce process. Use written communication (e-mails or text messages) whenever possible to have a record of your interactions.
  4. Gather evidence: Collect relevant documentation to support your case, such as financial records, property deeds, and evidence of any abuse or manipulation. This evidence can help strengthen your case and protect your interests during the divorce process.
  5. Stay focused on your goals: Narcissists may try to use various tactics to derail the divorce process and maintain control. Stay focused on your objectives and try not to get emotionally drawn into their manipulations.
  6. Be prepared for challenges: Narcissists often have a difficult time accepting responsibility or losing control, which can lead to a contentious divorce process. Be prepared for possible delays and setbacks and maintain realistic expectations.
  7. Develop a support network: Reach out to friends, family, and support groups to help you through the emotional challenges of divorcing a narcissist. A strong support network can provide you with the strength and resources needed to navigate the process.
  8. Prioritize self-care: The stress of divorcing a narcissist can take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being. Prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that promote relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
  9. Co-parenting: If you have children together, you may need to establish a co-parenting plan. Maintain clear boundaries and focus on the best interests of your children. Consider parallel parenting, where each parent takes responsibility for the children during their designated time without interference from the other parent.
  10. Stay patient and persistent: Divorcing a narcissist can be a long and difficult process. Stay patient and persistent, and remind yourself that you are working towards a better future for yourself and your children.

​Remember, every divorce is unique, and the legal procedures may vary depending on your jurisdiction. Always consult with an attorney for legal advice specific to your situation. In conclusion, divorcing a narcissistic spouse is a complex and emotionally taxing process that requires a well-thought-out strategy, professional guidance, and a strong support network. From seeking mental health consultation to hiring an experienced attorney, each step is crucial in safeguarding your emotional and legal interests. Setting boundaries, gathering evidence, and maintaining focus on your goals are essential for navigating the manipulative tactics often employed by narcissists. While challenges are to be expected, given the narcissist's aversion to losing control, being prepared for setbacks and delays can help you manage your expectations. The importance of a robust support network and self-care cannot be overstated, as they provide the emotional resilience needed to endure the process. If children are involved, co-parenting strategies like parallel parenting can be effective in minimizing conflict and focusing on the children's well-being. Patience and persistence are your allies in this difficult journey. Remember, the ultimate goal is to secure a better, healthier future for yourself and, if applicable, your children. Therefore, it's crucial to stay committed to the process, no matter how arduous it may seem.

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​MAURICE PHILLIPS WISENBERG
20th Floor, 2 Long  Street, Cape Town, 8001, South Africa
Telephone: +27 21 419 7115
Email: familylaw(@)mpw.co.za​


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Email: familylaw@mpw.co.za
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Twitter: @bertuspreller

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Legal Notices
  • Home
  • Divorce
    • The Reasons for Divorce
    • The Divorce Process in South Africa
    • Rule 41A Mediation
    • The Marital Property Regimes >
      • Marriage out of Community of Property, new case
      • Marriage in Community of Property
      • Marriage out of community without accrual >
        • Understanding Post-1984 Marriages
      • Marriage out of community with the inclusion of the accrual
      • Anti-Dissipation Interdicts Divorce
      • Universal Partnerships
      • Antenuptial Contracts
      • Register Antenuptial Contract Online
      • Changing your matrimonial regime.
      • Postnuptial Contracts
    • Division of Assets at Divorce >
      • Forfeiture of Assets in a Divorce
    • Evicting your spouse divorce
    • Retirement Funds and Divorce
    • Living Annuities
    • Hiding Assets in a Divorce
    • Trusts and Divorce >
      • Can I hide assets in Trust?
    • Divorce a Missing Spouse
    • Adultery and Suing a Third Party
    • Domicile in Divorce Cases
    • International Divorces in South Africa
    • Expat South African Divorce
    • International Jurisdiction
    • Spousal Visas
    • International Divorce Law >
      • UK Divorce Laws
    • Choosing a Divorce Attorney
    • On-line Divorce
    • Lawyer Fees and Costs
    • Important Aspects of a Divorce
    • Divorcing a Narcistic Spouse
    • Dealing with Emotions During Divorce and Separation
    • Divorce Statistics
    • Divorce Therapy and Counselling >
      • Marriage and Relationship Therapists
    • Rebuilding Your Financial Life
    • Divorce Attorney Cape Town
    • Ingredients of a successful relationship
    • What are the elements of a successful marriage?
    • Uncontested Divorce
    • Uncontested Divorce - What Happens on the Court Day?
  • Maintenance
    • Spousal maintenance
    • How to calculate Child Maintenance?
    • Maintenance Defaulters
    • What Happens if you don't pay child maintenance
    • Child Maintenance Frequently Asked Questions
    • Rule 43 Interim Maintenance Pending Divorce >
      • Can I appeal a Rule 43 Order
      • Apply for Costs in Rule 43
      • Financial Disclosure Rule 43
      • Rule 43 Maintenance
    • The Maintenance Manual
    • Grand Parents and Maintenance
    • Variation of Maintenance due to loss of employment
    • Contempt of Court Maintenance
  • Children
    • Section 28 of the Children's Act
    • Relocation and Child Abduction >
      • Frequently Asked Questions about Child Relocation
      • Child Relocation to New Zealand
    • The Hague Convention >
      • Child Participation in South African Family Law and the Hague Convention
      • International Child Custody Law South Africa
      • Hague Applications and Domestic Violence
      • Mirror Orders and the Hague Convention
      • Tips on international child custody
    • Unmarried Parents and the Law
    • Unmarried Fathers Rights
    • Parenting Plans >
      • Parenting Plan
      • Conflict and dispute-resolution mechanisms
    • The non-custodian parent and contact
    • Appointing a Guardian in a Will
    • Introducing a new partner to your child
    • Refusal of Contact
    • Suspending Parental Rights
    • The Law on Grandparents Rights over Children
    • Parental Alienation >
      • Alienating Children
      • Parental Alienation Imprisonment
      • What is the effect of Parental Alienation on children?
    • Living Arrangements
    • What effect does divorce have on children?
    • The Voice of the Child in Divorce
    • Facilitation
    • Joint decisions about your child
    • Paternity Disputes
    • The Family Advocate
    • Parenting during separartion
    • Children's Act 38 of 2005
  • Abuse
    • Domestic Violence Legislation and Case Law
    • The New Domestic Violence Act 14 of 2021
    • Gender Based Violence in South Africa
    • Domestic Abuse Forms
    • Evicting a Spouse
    • Being married to a Narcissist.
    • Divorcing an Abusive Spouse
    • What is Coercive Control?
    • What is Emotional Abuse
    • What is Sexual Abuse
    • What is Financial Abuse >
      • Economic Abuse
    • What is Stalking
    • What is Verbal Abuse
    • What is Spiritual Abuse
    • What is Social Abuse
    • Revenge Porn
    • Interdict Intimate photos
    • Steps to obtain a Protection Order
    • Domestic Violence eBook
    • The Protection Order
    • Who Qualifies for a Protection Order
    • Breaching a Protection Order
    • Questions on Domestic Abuse
    • Signs of an Abusive Relationship
    • Domestic Violence Information
    • Harassment >
      • Harassment Forms
  • Cohabitation
    • Universal Partnerships in South African Cohabitation
    • Maintenance and Cohabitation
    • Interim Maintenance and Cohabitation
    • Sample Cohabitation Agreement
    • Engagement and the law
  • Formalities for marriage in south africa
    • South Africa's New Marriage Bill: A Step Towards Equality and Inclusion
    • Same Sex
  • Family Law eBooks
  • Family Law Links
    • The South African Court System
    • Court Rolls
    • Family Law Legislation
    • Family Law Blog
    • New Family Law Cases
    • Register for the Online Family Law Course
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Charities