The Ingredients of a Successful Relationship
‘The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling we could have had it all’
~ Adele, singer
It is said that divorce is more emotionally devastating than losing employment, about equal to experiencing a major illness, and somewhat less devastating than the death of a spouse. Reasons cited by both men and women as the most common causes of divorce include loss of love and incompatibility, poor communication, addiction, basic unhappiness, infidelity, emotional problems, conflict over roles, and spouses’ personality traits. All studies on the prevention of relationship breakdown and the causes of divorce reach the common conclusion that a constellation of factors, not just one, is normally responsible.
I am a divorce lawyer. I see people divorce every day of my life and I listen to their stories and see the pain. Filing for divorce should be a well thought out plan of action that serves as a last resort. It should be the final alternative after trying everything else.
Often people rush into a divorce as a solution to their marital problems without taking the time to consider the consequences of their decision. Divorce takes a huge toll on all parties involved, and the wounding effects can last for many years. From kissing one another at the alter with so many positive hopes and dreams for the future, to literally not standing the other person is almost unthinkable.
When a physical death occurs there is usually the trauma of the funeral and the period of intense grief that follows because of the loss. The body is cremated or buried in a grave. But death also occurs when there is a divorce because it is the relationship that actually “dies.” Unlike death, in divorce the “corpses” still walk around as constant reminders of a once happy couple. When a loved one dies they are gone and you never see them again. But with divorce you see the other person again.
Divorce proceedings can also bring about psychological and emotional suffering not to mention the financial strain which can be huge if the divorce proceedings are contested. Some lawyers see divorce as a war where the focus is on winning at all costs. You allow people who do not know you (Attorneys, Advocates and Judges) to make important decisions about your future, your assets and your children. Divorce can tear you apart and it can change lifestyle.
So what exactly are the key ingredients that make up a healthy, lasting relationship?
Trust and Honesty
Without trust, there is no relationship. Trust is essential for stability and emotional well-being. It is the backbone of a relationship it is the glue that hold you two together. Honesty is the cord that binds your hearts and lives together. A trustworthy partner is the glue that keeps a relationship from falling apart.
Equal Commitment
A lot of relationships fail because there is an off-balance of commitment to each other, a relationship is a team effort. Both partners need to be equally committed to working on the relationship as a whole.
Friendship
When you are 75 years old and the initial lust and attraction is gone, will you still be happy? A solid friendship is needed to stabilize a lasting relationship. Happy couples are not only romantic partners, they are best friends.
Clear Communication
Communication is the key to success in any relationship. Without communication, one does not know their partners needs or desires, leaving lingering questions and insecurities.
Humour
Everyone has a unique sense of humour. What I think is absolutely hilarious someone else may think is stupid. Obviously, having a good sense of humour is a good way to connect in a relationship.
Respect
Respect your partner’s thoughts, opinions, body, family, values, and morals. And make sure yours are respected as well. If there is no respect in a relationship, it can never be healthy. You deserve to be respected, and someone who does not honour you is not worth it. Look for ways to bring out the best in each other, and dwell on the good qualities that you love about them.
Romance
Romantic couples are happier. Romance shows love, and caring. Plan fun dates, make sweet gestures, go out of your way to open the car door or making a cup of coffee in the morning shows your partner that you are thinking about them. Give love, show emotion, and be caring and kind.
Quality Time Together
Couples who are able to spend quality time together have the most intimate relationships. Successful couples create time to connect, even if they live extremely busy and hectic lives.
Own Up to Mistakes
If you are wrong, admit it. Don’t be selfish; you are not always right.
Disagree
Disagreements will always occur in relationships. Because you are unique individuals you will not always agree. It is normal to argue from time to time, as long as it is expressed in a matured way. Disagreements are a natural way of keeping one another in line and expressing oneself.
Show Appreciation, love and Affection
It is a basic human need to receive appreciation. Sometimes it is easy to get lost in our busy lives and take our partner for granted. Show appreciation. The number one attribute of a relationship that not only works, but thrives, is love. If you do not love your partner the relationship will not work. Love should not to be confused with infatuation. You can fall in and out of love with someone, if your connection was based only on lust or physical attraction. Few things will boost someone’s self-esteem more than hearing that their hard work is appreciated and noticed. Partners in great relationships love each other unconditionally. Personal failures and disagreements do not affect how much they love each other. Respect each other’s opinions and understand that holding hands even in tough and uncomfortable times is the way to a successful relationship.
Unselfishness
Put the desires and wishes of your partner before your own. Being supportive of what they want to do, be, say, or see is unselfishness. Finding the right balance between your own plans and programs and your partner’s, is unselfishness.
Forgiveness
Be quick to apologize for the mistakes you make. But be even quicker to forgive. Do not sweat the small stuff. Holding on to grudges will grow in your life and create a wedge between you both. To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
No abuse…physical, verbal or emotional
Abuse has no place in love. Verbal, physical or emotional abuse is dangerous for the health of any relationship. Respect and appreciate your partner and try never to stray away from that path. Become a pillar of support for your partner rather than an abuser.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling we could have had it all’
~ Adele, singer
It is said that divorce is more emotionally devastating than losing employment, about equal to experiencing a major illness, and somewhat less devastating than the death of a spouse. Reasons cited by both men and women as the most common causes of divorce include loss of love and incompatibility, poor communication, addiction, basic unhappiness, infidelity, emotional problems, conflict over roles, and spouses’ personality traits. All studies on the prevention of relationship breakdown and the causes of divorce reach the common conclusion that a constellation of factors, not just one, is normally responsible.
I am a divorce lawyer. I see people divorce every day of my life and I listen to their stories and see the pain. Filing for divorce should be a well thought out plan of action that serves as a last resort. It should be the final alternative after trying everything else.
Often people rush into a divorce as a solution to their marital problems without taking the time to consider the consequences of their decision. Divorce takes a huge toll on all parties involved, and the wounding effects can last for many years. From kissing one another at the alter with so many positive hopes and dreams for the future, to literally not standing the other person is almost unthinkable.
When a physical death occurs there is usually the trauma of the funeral and the period of intense grief that follows because of the loss. The body is cremated or buried in a grave. But death also occurs when there is a divorce because it is the relationship that actually “dies.” Unlike death, in divorce the “corpses” still walk around as constant reminders of a once happy couple. When a loved one dies they are gone and you never see them again. But with divorce you see the other person again.
Divorce proceedings can also bring about psychological and emotional suffering not to mention the financial strain which can be huge if the divorce proceedings are contested. Some lawyers see divorce as a war where the focus is on winning at all costs. You allow people who do not know you (Attorneys, Advocates and Judges) to make important decisions about your future, your assets and your children. Divorce can tear you apart and it can change lifestyle.
So what exactly are the key ingredients that make up a healthy, lasting relationship?
Trust and Honesty
Without trust, there is no relationship. Trust is essential for stability and emotional well-being. It is the backbone of a relationship it is the glue that hold you two together. Honesty is the cord that binds your hearts and lives together. A trustworthy partner is the glue that keeps a relationship from falling apart.
Equal Commitment
A lot of relationships fail because there is an off-balance of commitment to each other, a relationship is a team effort. Both partners need to be equally committed to working on the relationship as a whole.
Friendship
When you are 75 years old and the initial lust and attraction is gone, will you still be happy? A solid friendship is needed to stabilize a lasting relationship. Happy couples are not only romantic partners, they are best friends.
Clear Communication
Communication is the key to success in any relationship. Without communication, one does not know their partners needs or desires, leaving lingering questions and insecurities.
Humour
Everyone has a unique sense of humour. What I think is absolutely hilarious someone else may think is stupid. Obviously, having a good sense of humour is a good way to connect in a relationship.
Respect
Respect your partner’s thoughts, opinions, body, family, values, and morals. And make sure yours are respected as well. If there is no respect in a relationship, it can never be healthy. You deserve to be respected, and someone who does not honour you is not worth it. Look for ways to bring out the best in each other, and dwell on the good qualities that you love about them.
Romance
Romantic couples are happier. Romance shows love, and caring. Plan fun dates, make sweet gestures, go out of your way to open the car door or making a cup of coffee in the morning shows your partner that you are thinking about them. Give love, show emotion, and be caring and kind.
Quality Time Together
Couples who are able to spend quality time together have the most intimate relationships. Successful couples create time to connect, even if they live extremely busy and hectic lives.
Own Up to Mistakes
If you are wrong, admit it. Don’t be selfish; you are not always right.
Disagree
Disagreements will always occur in relationships. Because you are unique individuals you will not always agree. It is normal to argue from time to time, as long as it is expressed in a matured way. Disagreements are a natural way of keeping one another in line and expressing oneself.
Show Appreciation, love and Affection
It is a basic human need to receive appreciation. Sometimes it is easy to get lost in our busy lives and take our partner for granted. Show appreciation. The number one attribute of a relationship that not only works, but thrives, is love. If you do not love your partner the relationship will not work. Love should not to be confused with infatuation. You can fall in and out of love with someone, if your connection was based only on lust or physical attraction. Few things will boost someone’s self-esteem more than hearing that their hard work is appreciated and noticed. Partners in great relationships love each other unconditionally. Personal failures and disagreements do not affect how much they love each other. Respect each other’s opinions and understand that holding hands even in tough and uncomfortable times is the way to a successful relationship.
Unselfishness
Put the desires and wishes of your partner before your own. Being supportive of what they want to do, be, say, or see is unselfishness. Finding the right balance between your own plans and programs and your partner’s, is unselfishness.
Forgiveness
Be quick to apologize for the mistakes you make. But be even quicker to forgive. Do not sweat the small stuff. Holding on to grudges will grow in your life and create a wedge between you both. To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
No abuse…physical, verbal or emotional
Abuse has no place in love. Verbal, physical or emotional abuse is dangerous for the health of any relationship. Respect and appreciate your partner and try never to stray away from that path. Become a pillar of support for your partner rather than an abuser.
