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Ingredients of a Successful Relationship


Picture
‘The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling we could have had it all’
~ Adele, singer
 
It is said that divorce is more emotionally devastating than losing employment, about equal to experiencing a major illness, and somewhat less devastating than the death of a spouse. Reasons cited by both men and women as the most common causes of divorce include loss of love and incompatibility, poor communication, addiction, basic unhappiness, infidelity, emotional problems, conflict over roles, and spouses’ personality traits. All studies on the prevention of relationship breakdown and the causes of divorce reach the common conclusion that a constellation of factors, not just one, is normally responsible.

I am a divorce lawyer. I see people divorce every day of my life and I listen to their stories and see the pain. Filing for divorce should be a well thought out plan of action that serves as a last resort. It should be the final alternative after trying everything else. 

Often people rush into a divorce as a solution to their marital problems without taking the time to consider the consequences of their decision. Divorce takes a huge toll on all parties involved, and the wounding effects can last for many years. From kissing one another at the alter with so many positive hopes and dreams for the future, to literally not standing the other person is almost unthinkable.

When a physical death occurs there is usually the trauma of the funeral and the period of intense grief that follows because of the loss. The body is cremated or buried in a grave. But death also occurs when there is a divorce because it is the relationship that actually “dies.” Unlike death, in divorce the “corpses” still walk around as constant reminders of a once happy couple. When a loved one dies they are gone and you never see them again. But with divorce you see the other person again.

Divorce proceedings can also bring about psychological and emotional suffering not to mention the financial strain which can be huge if the divorce proceedings are contested. Some lawyers see divorce as a war where the focus is on winning at all costs. You allow people who do not know you (Attorneys, Advocates and Judges) to make important decisions about your future, your assets and your children. Divorce can tear you apart and it can change lifestyle.

So what exactly are the key ingredients that make up a healthy, lasting relationship?

Trust and Honesty

Without trust, there is no relationship. Trust is essential for stability and emotional well-being. It is the backbone of a relationship it is the glue that hold you two together. Honesty is the cord that binds your hearts and lives together. A trustworthy partner is the glue that keeps a relationship from falling apart.

Equal Commitment

A lot of relationships fail because there is an off-balance of commitment to each other, a relationship is a team effort. Both partners need to be equally committed to working on the relationship as a whole.

Friendship

When you are 75 years old and the initial lust and attraction is gone, will you still be happy? A solid friendship is needed to stabilize a lasting relationship. Happy couples are not only romantic partners, they are best friends.

Clear Communication

Communication is the key to success in any relationship. Without communication, one does not know their partners needs or desires, leaving lingering questions and insecurities.

Humour

Everyone has a unique sense of humour. What I think is absolutely hilarious someone else may think is stupid. Obviously, having a good sense of humour is a good way to connect in a relationship.

Respect

Respect your partner’s thoughts, opinions, body, family, values, and morals. And make sure yours are respected as well. If there is no respect in a relationship, it can never be healthy. You deserve to be respected, and someone who does not honour you is not worth it. Look for ways to bring out the best in each other, and dwell on the good qualities that you love about them. 

Romance

Romantic couples are happier. Romance shows love, and caring. Plan fun dates, make sweet gestures, go out of your way to open the car door or making a cup of coffee in the morning shows your partner that you are thinking about them. Give love, show emotion, and be caring and kind.

Quality Time Together

Couples who are able to spend quality time together have the most intimate relationships. Successful couples create time to connect, even if they live extremely busy and hectic lives.

Own Up to Mistakes

If you are wrong, admit it. Don’t be selfish; you are not always right.

Disagree

Disagreements will always occur in relationships. Because you are unique individuals you will not always agree. It is normal to argue from time to time, as long as it is expressed in a matured way. Disagreements are a natural way of keeping one another in line and expressing oneself.

Show Appreciation, love and Affection

It is a basic human need to receive appreciation. Sometimes it is easy to get lost in our busy lives and take our partner for granted. Show appreciation. The number one attribute of a relationship that not only works, but thrives, is love. If you do not love your partner the relationship will not work. Love should not to be confused with infatuation. You can fall in and out of love with someone, if your connection was based only on lust or physical attraction. Few things will boost someone’s self-esteem more than hearing that their hard work is appreciated and noticed. Partners in great relationships love each other unconditionally. Personal failures and disagreements do not affect how much they love each other. Respect each other’s opinions and understand that holding hands even in tough and uncomfortable times is the way to a successful relationship.

Unselfishness

Put the desires and wishes of your partner before your own. Being supportive of what they want to do, be, say, or see is unselfishness. Finding the right balance between your own plans and programs and your partner’s,  is unselfishness.

Forgiveness

Be quick to apologize for the mistakes you make. But be even quicker to forgive. Do not sweat the small stuff. Holding on to grudges will grow in your life and create a wedge between you both. To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.

​No abuse…physical, verbal or emotional

Abuse has no place in love. Verbal, physical or emotional abuse is dangerous for the health of any relationship. Respect and appreciate your partner and try never to stray away from that path. Become a pillar of support for your partner rather than an abuser.

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Contact Details

BERTUS PRELLER
​MAURICE PHILLIPS WISENBERG

20th Floor, 2 Long  Street, Cape Town, 8001, South Africa
Telephone: +27 21 419 7115


​
Email: familylaw@mpw.co.za
Facebook: divorceattorneys
Twitter: @bertuspreller

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  • Home
  • Divorce
    • The Divorce Process in South Africa
    • Rule 41A Mediation
    • The Marital Property Regimes >
      • Marriage in Community of Property
      • Marriage out of community without accrual
      • Marriage out of community with the inclusion of the accrual
      • Universal Partnerships
      • Register Antenuptial Contract Online
      • Changing your matrimonial regime.
    • Division of Assets at Divorce >
      • Forfeiture of Assets in a Divorce
    • Evicting your spouse divorce
    • Retirement Funds and Divorce
    • Living Annuities
    • Hiding Assets in a Divorce
    • Trusts and Divorce >
      • Can I hide assets in Trust?
    • Divorce a Missing Spouse
    • Adultery and Suing a Third Party
    • Domicile in Divorce Cases
    • International Divorces in South Africa
    • Expat South African Divorce
    • International Jurisdiction
    • Spousal Visas
    • International Divorce Law >
      • UK Divorce Laws
    • Choosing a Divorce Attorney
    • On-line Divorce
    • Lawyer Fees and Costs
    • Important Aspects of a Divorce
    • Dealing with Emotions During Divorce and Separation
    • Divorce Statistics
    • Divorce Therapy and Counselling >
      • Marriage and Relationship Therapists
    • Rebuilding Your Financial Life
    • Divorce Attorney Cape Town
    • Divorce Polls
    • Ingredients of a successful relationship
    • Uncontested Divorce
    • Uncontested Divorce - What Happens on the Court Day?
  • Maintenance
    • Maintenance Child COVID19
    • Spousal maintenance
    • How to calculate Child Maintenance?
    • Maintenance Defaulters
    • What Happens if you don't pay child maintenance
    • Child Maintenance Frequently Asked Questions
    • Rule 43 Interim Maintenance Pending Divorce >
      • Can I appeal a Rule 43 Order
      • Apply for Costs in Rule 43
      • Financial Disclosure Rule 43
      • Rule 43 Maintenance
    • The Maintenance Manual
    • Grand Parents and Maintenance
  • Children
    • Relocation and Child Abduction >
      • Frequently Asked Questions about Child Relocation
      • Child Relocation to New Zealand
      • International Child Custody Law South Africa
      • Tips on international child custody
    • Unmarried Parents and the Law
    • Parenting Plans >
      • Conflict and dispute-resolution mechanisms
    • The non-custodian parent and contact
    • Appointing a Guardian in a Will
    • Introducing a new partner to your child
    • Refusal of Contact
    • Vaccinating Children Covid-19
    • Suspending Parental Rights
    • Parental Alienation >
      • Alienating Children
      • Parental Alienation Imprisonment
    • Facilitation
    • Living Arrangements
    • Joint decisions about your child
    • Paternity Disputes
    • The Family Advocate
    • Parenting during separartion
    • Children's Act 38 of 2005
  • Abuse
    • Domestic Violence Amended Bill
    • Gender Based Violence in South Africa
    • Domestic Abuse Forms
    • Evicting a Spouse
    • Domestic Violence Corona Virus
    • Divorcing an Abusive Spouse
    • What is Coercive Control?
    • What is Emotional Abuse
    • What is Sexual Abuse
    • What is Financial Abuse >
      • Economic Abuse
    • What is Stalking
    • What is Verbal Abuse
    • What is Spiritual Abuse
    • What is Social Abuse
    • Revenge Porn
    • Interdict Intimate photos
    • Steps to obtain a Protection Order
    • Domestic Violence eBook
    • The Protection Order
    • Who Qualifies for a Protection Order
    • Breaching a Protection Order
    • Questions on Domestic Abuse
    • Signs of an Abusive Relationship
    • Domestic Violence Information
    • Harassment
  • Cohabitation
    • Maintenance and Cohabitation
    • Sample Cohabitation Agreement
    • Engagement and the law
    • Formalities for marriage in south africa
  • Same Sex
  • Family Law eBooks
  • Family Law Links
    • The South African Court System
    • Court Rolls
    • Family Law Legislation
    • Family Law Blog
    • New Family Law Cases
    • Family Law Matters
    • Register for the Online Family Law Course
    • Online Family Law Education
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Charities