Important issues to remember for successful parenting
It is not about you
If it is about winning for you, your child will likely be the loser. Put your own emotions aside and act on what is best for your child, not what is best for you, even if the outcome is not what you want. Look beyond your broken relationship; divorce or separation may have ended your relationship or marriage, but you are still a family.
Communicate with each other
Keep direct channels of communication open so that your child doesn’t feel like a go-between. You have to develop a style of regular and proper communication. Communicate directly with your spouse and steer away from talking through your respective lawyers or your children. Communication is not just about talking; it is listening as well, and there needs to be dialogue.
Reduce conflict
It is not the divorce but the conflict in the divorce that is damaging to children. The desired outcome is the one that offers the lowest risk of exposure to conflict, so agree not to argue in front of the children. Children are extremely perceptive of their parents’ emotions.
Be civil about handovers
School may be an excellent handover point. The father fetches the children on a Friday and delivers them back on a Monday. That way there is minimal physical contact between the parents.
Routines should be similar
Each home will have different routines and rules. However, it is important that one stick or at least try to stick to mutually agreed guidelines. Having a completely different set of rules may be harmful to the children and will confuse them.
Respect each other
The children love you both, therefore respect each other’s privacy and do not speak negatively about each other in front of the children. Putting your children in the middle of your arguments is unfair on them. You divorce each other, not your children.
Compromise
Disagreements with your ex are part of raising children. Parenting styles differ, so there will be times when you and your ex will be at loggerheads with each other but, if you do disagree, try to find the middle ground. Don’t be sidetracked by the molehills when the mountains are what matter most.
If it is about winning for you, your child will likely be the loser. Put your own emotions aside and act on what is best for your child, not what is best for you, even if the outcome is not what you want. Look beyond your broken relationship; divorce or separation may have ended your relationship or marriage, but you are still a family.
Communicate with each other
Keep direct channels of communication open so that your child doesn’t feel like a go-between. You have to develop a style of regular and proper communication. Communicate directly with your spouse and steer away from talking through your respective lawyers or your children. Communication is not just about talking; it is listening as well, and there needs to be dialogue.
Reduce conflict
It is not the divorce but the conflict in the divorce that is damaging to children. The desired outcome is the one that offers the lowest risk of exposure to conflict, so agree not to argue in front of the children. Children are extremely perceptive of their parents’ emotions.
Be civil about handovers
School may be an excellent handover point. The father fetches the children on a Friday and delivers them back on a Monday. That way there is minimal physical contact between the parents.
Routines should be similar
Each home will have different routines and rules. However, it is important that one stick or at least try to stick to mutually agreed guidelines. Having a completely different set of rules may be harmful to the children and will confuse them.
Respect each other
The children love you both, therefore respect each other’s privacy and do not speak negatively about each other in front of the children. Putting your children in the middle of your arguments is unfair on them. You divorce each other, not your children.
Compromise
Disagreements with your ex are part of raising children. Parenting styles differ, so there will be times when you and your ex will be at loggerheads with each other but, if you do disagree, try to find the middle ground. Don’t be sidetracked by the molehills when the mountains are what matter most.
