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Important issues to remember for successful parenting


It is not about you
If it is about winning for you, your child will likely be the loser. Put your own emotions aside and act on what is best for your child, not what is best for you, even if the outcome is not what you want. Look beyond your broken relationship; divorce or separation may have ended your relationship or marriage, but you are still a family.
 
Communicate with each other
Keep direct channels of communication open so that your child doesn’t feel like a go-between. You have to develop a style of regular and proper communication. Communicate directly with your spouse and steer away from talking through your respective lawyers or your children. Communication is not just about talking; it is listening as well, and there needs to be dialogue.
 
Reduce conflict
It is not the divorce but the conflict in the divorce that is damaging to children. The desired outcome is the one that offers the lowest risk of exposure to conflict, so agree not to argue in front of the children. Children are extremely perceptive of their parents’ emotions.
 
Be civil about handovers
School may be an excellent handover point. The father fetches the children on a Friday and delivers them back on a Monday. That way there is minimal physical contact between the parents.
 
Routines should be similar
Each home will have different routines and rules. However, it is important that one stick or at least try to stick to mutually agreed guidelines. Having a completely different set of rules may be harmful to the children and will confuse them.
 
Respect each other
The children love you both, therefore respect each other’s privacy and do not speak negatively about each other in front of the children. Putting your children in the middle of your arguments is unfair on them. You divorce each other, not your children.
 
Compromise
Disagreements with your ex are part of raising children. Parenting styles differ, so there will be times when you and your ex will be at loggerheads with each other but, if you do disagree, try to find the middle ground. Don’t be sidetracked by the molehills when the mountains are what matter most.

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Contact Details

BERTUS PRELLER
​MAURICE PHILLIPS WISENBERG

20th Floor, 2 Long  Street, Cape Town, 8001, South Africa
Telephone: +27 21 419 7115


​
Email: familylaw@mpw.co.za
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Twitter: @bertuspreller

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  • Home
  • Divorce
    • The Divorce Process in South Africa
    • Rule 41A Mediation
    • The Marital Property Regimes >
      • Marriage in Community of Property
      • Marriage out of community without accrual
      • Marriage out of community with the inclusion of the accrual
      • Universal Partnerships
      • Register Antenuptial Contract Online
      • Changing your matrimonial regime.
    • Division of Assets at Divorce >
      • Forfeiture of Assets in a Divorce
    • Evicting your spouse divorce
    • Retirement Funds and Divorce
    • Living Annuities
    • Hiding Assets in a Divorce
    • Trusts and Divorce >
      • Can I hide assets in Trust?
    • Divorce a Missing Spouse
    • Adultery and Suing a Third Party
    • Domicile in Divorce Cases
    • International Divorces in South Africa
    • Expat South African Divorce
    • International Jurisdiction
    • Spousal Visas
    • International Divorce Law >
      • UK Divorce Laws
    • Choosing a Divorce Attorney
    • On-line Divorce
    • Lawyer Fees and Costs
    • Important Aspects of a Divorce
    • Dealing with Emotions During Divorce and Separation
    • Divorce Statistics
    • Divorce Therapy and Counselling >
      • Marriage and Relationship Therapists
    • Rebuilding Your Financial Life
    • Divorce Attorney Cape Town
    • Divorce Polls
    • Ingredients of a successful relationship
    • Uncontested Divorce
    • Uncontested Divorce - What Happens on the Court Day?
  • Maintenance
    • Maintenance Child COVID19
    • Spousal maintenance
    • How to calculate Child Maintenance?
    • Maintenance Defaulters
    • What Happens if you don't pay child maintenance
    • Child Maintenance Frequently Asked Questions
    • Rule 43 Interim Maintenance Pending Divorce >
      • Can I appeal a Rule 43 Order
      • Apply for Costs in Rule 43
      • Financial Disclosure Rule 43
      • Rule 43 Maintenance
    • The Maintenance Manual
    • Grand Parents and Maintenance
  • Children
    • Relocation and Child Abduction >
      • Frequently Asked Questions about Child Relocation
      • Child Relocation to New Zealand
      • International Child Custody Law South Africa
      • Tips on international child custody
    • Unmarried Parents and the Law
    • Parenting Plans >
      • Conflict and dispute-resolution mechanisms
    • The non-custodian parent and contact
    • Appointing a Guardian in a Will
    • Introducing a new partner to your child
    • Refusal of Contact
    • Vaccinating Children Covid-19
    • Suspending Parental Rights
    • Parental Alienation >
      • Alienating Children
      • Parental Alienation Imprisonment
    • Facilitation
    • Living Arrangements
    • Joint decisions about your child
    • Paternity Disputes
    • The Family Advocate
    • Parenting during separartion
    • Children's Act 38 of 2005
  • Abuse
    • Domestic Violence Amended Bill
    • Gender Based Violence in South Africa
    • Domestic Abuse Forms
    • Evicting a Spouse
    • Domestic Violence Corona Virus
    • Divorcing an Abusive Spouse
    • What is Coercive Control?
    • What is Emotional Abuse
    • What is Sexual Abuse
    • What is Financial Abuse >
      • Economic Abuse
    • What is Stalking
    • What is Verbal Abuse
    • What is Spiritual Abuse
    • What is Social Abuse
    • Revenge Porn
    • Interdict Intimate photos
    • Steps to obtain a Protection Order
    • Domestic Violence eBook
    • The Protection Order
    • Who Qualifies for a Protection Order
    • Breaching a Protection Order
    • Questions on Domestic Abuse
    • Signs of an Abusive Relationship
    • Domestic Violence Information
    • Harassment
  • Cohabitation
    • Maintenance and Cohabitation
    • Sample Cohabitation Agreement
    • Engagement and the law
    • Formalities for marriage in south africa
  • Same Sex
  • Family Law eBooks
  • Family Law Links
    • The South African Court System
    • Court Rolls
    • Family Law Legislation
    • Family Law Blog
    • New Family Law Cases
    • Family Law Matters
    • Register for the Online Family Law Course
    • Online Family Law Education
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Charities